A Talented Intimidation

So, I've made it no secret about how lately, magical things have been happening to me musically. I find it fascinating that I can simply be sitting during a rehearsal, and instantly come up with chords to a verse I've been trying to write. It's outstanding. Not only was it spur of the moment, but it was good. Very good. My buddy, Tom, jumped on the drums and said, "Yeah, the drums should be like this." And it was incredible. I flipped a lid. This has never happened to me before, and quite honestly, I think it's all do to these anti-depressants.

Depression and anxiety, for most my life, has had a gay ole time messing with my brain. Now that I'm on these pills, I have so much more room for the thing that means the most to me. I'll wake up in the middle of the night with a drum line in my head. I'll be driving to rehearsal, and chords will come out of no where. It's sheer magic, I have simply no doubt about it. And I'm only 19. Just wait and see where this is going to take me. Nothing has ever been more exciting.

Unfortunately, I think I'm the only one excited. Chase, my band mate, seems intimidated... almost scared of it. Whenever I talk about it, he retracts and goes into an odd sort of defense that I can't explain. Is it jealousy? Or does he not believe me? It's odd. When it comes right down to it though, I don't need him to believe me. I believe me. I am writing these songs that simply sound huge, with so much force behind them... with a little work on my lyrics, I can really be one hell of a songwriter. I am one hell of a songwriter...

With that, I think my newest creation needs to be written down. I love this musicians notebook. I've never gotten such a kick out of writing until I see a whole song of mine down in staves. It's just wonderful.

I'll write more often now. Really.
Jess